Lightness

What a curious few days it has been.

My week started off with great heaviness, feeling sad and depressed about the end of my mini-vacation and more importantly, of the return home of my two close friends who had been visiting. It had been so refreshing and good to have people to live life with, even if just for a few days, that returning to my solitary, and if I’m honest, often lonely existence was a nasty shock to the system.

Gradually my affect improved as the week went on, until my aforementioned odd night last night, which involved rehashing my story for the thousandth time, spending a half hour listening to/counselling an acquaintance going through a really difficult marital situation, and then bumping into the man who would be my priest if I were still attending church. Yet there was a peace within all that last night somehow.

And then today I woke up, as I again have mentioned elsewhere, with a smile on my face, twinkle in my eye, and spring in my step: one of those days where everything seems bright and light and full of possibility. After work, I serendipitously ran into a good friend whom I hadn’t seen in a while, and whom I knew to be going through a very difficult time. I offered to buy him coffee and we just talked for an hour. He had certainly been through the wringer and a lot of trauma recently, but was emerging from the other side. The conversation started out heavy, but as we talked, it — and he with it — got lighter and lighter and brighter and brighter. And it was just GOOD.

It’s funny how things go. In the past the conversation I had with my friend would have left me troubled and angry at the trauma my friend had gone through and might have even brought back nasty echoes of my own trauma. And, yes, there is much that legitimately upsets me about the situation. But instead of pulling me back into the depths where I had been earlier in the week, it was as though our conversation was carried up into the inexplicable lightness of my day, as though carried by a balloon. How refreshing to see and feel tangibly light in the midst of darkness, joy in the midst of sorrow, and  life from under the rubble.

What an unexpected and joy-bearing blessing on a Thursday afternoon.

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